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Summer blues

Moments like this reminds me of Anna Karenina's opening line

"Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."

It's hard to believe that it's August already, and even more surprising than I've been in a state of malaise for the past week or so. I've been declining most social functions, and only really putting a front for the ones I do go to (while waiting for the first possible polite moment to excuse myself.)

And while I would love to mull / bitch over this with someone, I don't want to drag down others' mojo as well. And thus... this LJ post.

Here's hoping this moment will pass before I embark on a mini-vacay next week (or perhaps the long weekender to a music festival is what I really need to get out of this funk.)

Happiness Myths & Singlehood

Came by this article on about happiness myths Vox ( http://www.vox.com/2015/6/2/8686191/happiness-myths ) & it made me think about how my own happiness expectations & standards have changed over the past decade.

One I've deprogrammed from the get-go in college was equating happiness with wealth and/or a lucrative career. Lately, I've noticed that so many of my interactions with friends & colleagues w fatter paychecks devolve into them b*tching and moaning about their co-workers, work environments, the banality of their day-to-day tasks or that they're just a cog.

All things considered, I'm fairly happy where I am. I get use my talents (writing & communicating) for a worthy cause in a non-profit (cancer research/awareness), and bring home to a steady paycheck to support occasional indulgences in near-future (i.e. fancy meals, travels, games & music/art festivals) and save up for long-term (thankfully, on-track for retirement.)

The bigger, and more controversial one, is being content with singlehood. I'm not rejecting the potential of coupledom & still go on dates regularly, but I'm increasingly OK with the idea of never finding a significant other. And liking that I can articulate this on LJ so I don't having to defend myself, entertain a bunch of fantasy "What If..." scenarios (as is often the case when I talk to friends & family about this) and/or come off sounding like a shrilly, lunatic hermit. And honestly, I'm more than happy for friends who found the one to marry/have kids with/etc., I just get weirded out when they project those life "goals" onto me too.

Yeah, I guess it's nice (in some sort of vague way) to share your life with a "soulmate" (also equally nebulous), but every time I go on a solo vacation, have a spontaneous change of plans or embark on some random (mis)adventure, I get the very real feeling of "Thank goodness I'm only accountable to myself for this!"

Having said all that, I do still hold out hope of finding someone out there, hopefully equally free spirited and especially not clingy (usually the phase of the relationship, if you can call 3-4 dates that, that sends me to the hills screaming.) Or as Wanda Sykes quipped, "Let's be together... separately."

But yeah, kinda amazing how that Vox article led me to ponder to this. And amazing I still remembered my LJ password.



...well, of others. Went out today for dinner & drinks with a friend and got hit on 4 times (by 4 different folks) throughout the course of the night.

And I was in work clothes & definitely not sending out a "desperately single" vibe.

I'm mildly flattered and definitely amused, but wondering if those I encountered tonight were trying to make good on their "be more romantically assertive" resolutions. If so, hopefully my polite declines didn't let the air out of their sails.

When things go BOOM!

So a pickup truck ran a redlight and into my Honda Fit last Wednesday; this is the result of my car...
Bye Bye Fit
Bye Bye Fit
... while the other party drove away with barely a dent on the front bumper

Of course, I feel extremely thankful that I'm walking and talking (my only real injuries are lingering neck & shoulder stiffness/soreness, which my doctor said - and I hope - will subside soon!) And I feel further blessed that there's a witness who helpfully offered his contact info to testify that this accident is unequivocally the other party's fault; I'm just so frustrated by the timesuck of filing claims, dealing with insurance, documenting my losses, making appointments in middle of workday, etc. etc. etc. (and I'm still waiting for the payout from my total loss so I can finish paying off this wreck and put a down payment on another car... and I know shopping for the next one is whole other can of worms.)

But still, I decided I'm only giving myself a week to scream and holler and whine and be total pissant about this affair, then I gotta strap up, buckle down & move on. Things could've been so much worse and 7 days to grumble about this is already 7 days too long, and I'm not going to let it trash up my life any further -- and I still fully intend to take my parents out for their b-day brunch this coming weekend (though they were pretty pissed I didn't tell them about the wreck till 2 days later.)

P.S. and how coincidental that the start of the Year of Snake meant I'm dealing with all sorts of slithery folks, from the collision center mechanic who's slapping on all sorts of ridic. charges, to the insurance folks who's starting to push back on some of the claims, to the other party who obviously "had no idea" she ran a red (while admitting she got lost and was confused by GPS directions.) I only hope I'm getting all of this reptilian behavior in one go!

Fingers crossed...

1) for a job I applied for; per my last entry, I've been a little more active in my job hunt and there is one position that really popped out at me, doing PR/communications for a tourism bureau. Sent in my cover letter + résumé 3 weeks ago and got a generic form reply from HR a few days after that; followed up late last week with HR & the VP I'd be reporting to. Hoping I'll get a callback for interview.

2) for my dating life. 2012 has been a great year, but very much a single one. I've gone on a slew of first dates, a handful of seconds, and 1-2 thirds, all started online but nothing, obviously, that turned into relationship material. I guess on the good side there was really no nasty breakup, we just realize it wasn't a good fit and I do stay friends with a few of them. But yeah, definitely keeping a more open mind moving onward and gravitating more towards offline dating. As one of my friends noted, with online dating the stuff already read each other's profile sets a potentially false and maybe unrealistically high expectation, and it definitely takes the fun out of learning new things about one another or being open minded about each other's quirks. I'll definitely need some training wheels mixing and mingling and trying to get a date the old fashion way, but hopeful that something will blossom. And if not, at least I know I really gave it a try rather than having that "What if?" regret.

3) A bit trivial compared to the first two, but that Lisa Loeb will have a tour stop that I can make. Totally digging her new album and been listening to it all weekend (and now!)

"Performance" review

It kinda sucks when performance reviews aren't actually based on performance; our team well exceeded our metrics for the year, but we're all getting 'average' reviews since that's the highest our dept managers are allowed to dispense this year (stings extra for me since I've always gotten 'above average' reviews in previous years.)

Guess if the world doesn't end, 2013 is a good a time as any to refresh my resume.

Random Thoughts, Trick or Treat

-- I never get the overzealous enthusiasm behind those "X things to eat/do/see/travel/visit before you die" lists. Heaven forbid your life be complete unless you finish that off (then again, I've already LJed before about my views on the bucket list.)

-- PSA from copy editing hell: it's *pique* someone's interest, *whet* an appetite and *pore* over a document. (Unless you want me to actually pour some liquid over the precious document you're studying.)

-- Just found out Netflix posted the entire Murder, She Wrote series on streaming -- yippee! Amused at the 80s fashion, the idiocy of the police, the celebs who guest starred in the show and OMG why isn't Cabot Cove just a giant cemetery after all those killings?

Oh, and I'm checking out the West Hollywood Halloween Festival/Parade/Orgy for the first time ever today. Wonder what'll be in store tonight...

Third Wheel... In a Broken Wagon

A few years ago, I kinda lamented hanging out with coupons, esp. those where I'm friends with each of the partners before they hooked up. Inevitably, a friendly hangout turns into too much PSAs, too many dyad-centric jokes and insider codes--sometimes to the point where I call the night off early so as not to interrupt their interlude (or prolong my boredom/torture.)

Now, I kind of miss those days -- given that now I have to deal with being friends with exes and hanging out with them individually is like walking on eggshells, where I don't know what I can bring up without triggering something that turns the outing into a bitchfest against their former bf/gf. (What's more ironic is that half the time they bring this onto themselves, asking me "how's [ex] doing?"... but I've gotten smarter about that and will give generic responses without any indication of their personal lives or current romantic statuses.)

And I just had one of those instances earlier today; thankfully we both merely ran into each other so the animosity was cut short by our respective dates. But yeah, being a third wheel isn't so bad in comparison.

But, on the upnote, tomorrow I'm spending a long weekend in Santa Barbara to attend a friend's wedding... that's something I can certainly toast to!

B Day^2

It's Bastille Day, which means it's also my birthday too! And supposedly a milestone one at that (being 30) though honestly I don't feel particularly different about this day, or being associated with another decade.

There is, however, a whole bunch of things I thought I'd outgrow by the time I hit 30, but it seems they will stick with me for at least another few years -- including:

1) Annoying zitty zit zits (I swear I'll be buying pimple creams till my deathbed days)
2) DDR / PIU / DJ Technika (or another rhythm/musically-inclined performance games, really)
3) Watching Anime & Reading Manga (though admittedly at a lot more relaxed pace now)
4) Random acts of parkour & ninja moves while walking about town
5) Getting that fluttery heart feeling on my 1st to 3rd (and occasionally beyond) dates
6) Being giddy and dancy when a favorite tune comes on
7) On a related note, caraoking
8) Getting carded... at an 18+ venue/event (happened just yesterday)
9) Being that awkward fit between a boy's L/XL and a men's S (believe me, I tried looking for men's XS, but I guess no one likes owning up to that in America; thank goodness for Koreatown & YesStyle.com with their more Asian-sized cuts.)
10) The concerts and clubbing that go into the wee hours of the night (and occasionally, till daybreak.)
11) Still possessing the attitude that's a little quirky, a little plucky, and plenty happy-go-lucky.
12) Oh, I guess livejournaling too (if only sporadically)

Having said all that, I'm feeling very much like the heroine from The Girl Who Leapt Through Time, and actually running towards the future... if nothing else, maybe I'll at least stop getting looks from bouncers who think I forged my ID.

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August 2015